Sunday, October 25, 2009
Ouch! I'm crushed today.
Woke up realizing my oldest son would have been 34 years old today. My estranged mother called last night and left a message to call her. I did return her call and left a message. But the topper was when I just read a horribly hurtful email about me that was directed to the entire online quilting group. I'm absolutely stunned. And it's not even noon, yet.
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9 comments:
Susan,
I'm so sorry that email happened. I'm just one of the Stashbuster group members. I wish that we would all think before we shoot off an email. It's so impersonal, that sometimes we don't think about how hurtful it can be.
Keep your chin up! I'll be praying for you today.
Tamera
Thanks. I'm in that fight or flight stage right now.
Tamera: It was regarding posts in the HeartStrings group today under "Fabric Donations" that kicked me in the nose. I still need some thinking time before I address this junior high school dilemna. I sincerely appreciate your support--feeling pretty alone right now.
Susan,
What a sad day, to be missing your son so much. Wherever he is, he must surely feel your love.
And thinking about both your sons and you bearing your wrenching losses ~ really, what are the things that matter?!
I'm not in the stashbusters, so I have no idea what was said. My mother used to say "Consider the source." and that turns out to have been pretty good advice for a whole lot of situations.
I only know how much kindness and goodness you have expressed and lived out in your actions and generosity in just the few months that we have been acquainted. I know your enthusiasm to help others and how much you genuinely care. That is the truth of the essence of you.
I am sending you a virtual hug, and wishing you peace and calm.
Catherine in Washington
Thanks, Carolyn, it was NOT in the Stashbuster group, but in the Heartstrings group. I still can't even comment about it.
A woman who has so generously sending me crumbs, scraps, yardages and recently unfinished projects is very disappointed in me for not getting them distributed to other members of Heartstrings.
When I got the first box of strings I made my first QOV and made sure to send her a photo of what "we" made. As time goes on we made 2 more QOV.
I was always told to use whatever I want however I want. Since a lot of it was thin and I am only saving small pieces of certain fabric scraps to make a quilt for myself next year, it was a win/win/win.
Then, I wrote and asked her if I could send some of the small strip blocks to a woman in Guatemala who is working with children and moms teaching sewing.
I was told that anything she sent me was for HEARTSTRINGS as we have people to help here in the USA.
Casual mall talk emails a few times--what are you working on? then WHACK!!!!
Her post to Heartstrings Quilt Project. I can't go any further, yet.
Can't believe I'm getting this personal here, probably because I'm seriously thinking of leaving all the quilty groups, deleting my blogs, and going back to my own unpublished world.
Your words of kindness mean everything to me.
Susan - as a person who has lost a son, although in different circumstances, I know how difficult anniversaries and birthdays can be. Other people do not understand, including my mother who had a similar situation. She thinks I should just move on and not think about it. But my son will always be in my heart even though it's been 20 years and I only knew him for a little while.
As far as the devastating e-mail goes, I'm sorry that happened to you. I've only known you since your last retreat and I'm looking forward to the next one in a week or so. There are so many more people who do value what you do than one unhappy person. Hopefully you can focus on the positive effects your blog and participation in the quilt groups have and not let one voice get you down.
I am not a good writer and do not have a blog myself, but I enjoy looking at other people's creativity. I will be sorry if you decide to stop blogging.
Katherine
Susan,
It was that email that and your response today of what you had sent out that brought me to your blog. Oftimes, things in print seem a lot more harsh than if said face to face. I can't speak for that other person, but for me, it sounds like she's got a beef with something else bigger and taking it out on you.
When a misunderstanding on these groups takes place, I take things kinda personal right at first, and then my inner self just lets it go. I've dropped a few groups I'm in because there are lots of people that are lot more anal about "this or that" and I just have decided that I have as much discretion as anyone else, so I don't need all the chatter.
Hope that you can find peace with this.
Best wishes.
Pat
Sorry the email happened to you. But on the plus side, look how many great quilters stepped up and commented how narrow minded she was. Hey, it made me offer to donate fabric...so just think of the ripple effect of goodness that hurtful email caused. Fabric will be used to help the homeless, kids and hospices, in Utah, South Dakota, on Indian reservations, in nursing homes, etc, etc. So hang in there.
I am sorry about the loss of your son. Birthdays are tough when the celebrant is gone. You are in my prayers.
Nikki in Virginia
Hi Susan!This is my first visit to your blog, I'm not in the ring, but I'm a dedicated heartstrings quilt maker on my own. I've been involved and deeply hurt by similar experiences and all I can say is that the strong energies that make us compassionate quilters and givers can often do a complete turn around and create impassioned and angry non-givers. Sometimes, there is just a simple misunderstanding, and sometimes there is deep rooted depression, anger, and jealousies at work. Forgive the one who hurt you by seeing her as someone who has to be hurting herself in order to create pain in another. We all have so many hurts, so many losses, so much pain in each of our lives. We truly must focus on being compassionate even when others cannot. Hugs to you, and feel yourself surrounded by those who care.
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